Now for the news...

A teacher from Texas offered passing grades to 2 students who were failing, if they stole her car and torched it for the insurance money. Hello!?!!? There is a burning ban in the summer, next time wait for Winter so it isn't so illegal. Besides that it was a chemistry teacher, she should have known that fire and dumbass don't mix well.

Texas Rangers Pitcher throws a tantrum at TV reporters, probably cause he is tired of working such long hours for multi hundreds of thousands of dollars. I would be mad if I was on the Rangers team too, they suck. He is having Anger issues according to the team rep, Hmmm, steroid abuse anyone?

The Author of the Book How Stella got her Groove Back is divorcing her grove because he is gay and apparently wanted a way into the country legally, and hot a bride so much. She is humiliated and horrified. Perhaps she should be more careful before trying to shack up with foreign men half her age. Looks like groove isn't in the heart, its in the crotch. A kick in the crotch too...

New research may suggest that Teflon causes cancer. Though after years and years of use, they may have a hard time making the warnings stick. Emeril says "BAM, you're dying."

The French government says people should get more time off but more pay. In other developments, James and Tim are moving to France, and not for the culture.

Locally, The Super Walmart is going up not too far from the ball park, with the addition of the FB Stadium, traffic should be a real joy. I think the city should just build a solid wall and divide North and south Arlington since no one will be able to cross the parking lot that was Arlington streets. Its not really funny, just scary.

Finally, a new feature to look for on Timmy J. Studios blog, Fridays will feature a Picture of the Week. I have no idea what the picture will be but comments are still welcome. Be sure to look for it.

Kisses...

BEHOLD!!!! I have hypnotically commanded this unidentified girl into beating her parents with a bat...SHE HAS NO CHOICE!!!
Is this a little less conformist?

Kisses...

Seofon - symbol of perfection

The Perfect year, that is the seventh. I certainly cannot put things in a more poetic way. James and I have been together for Seven years now. I too feel like it has only been seven years, which seems like just the beginning and at the same time so far into our story. As if we have spend lives before this one loving each other, and we have found each other again. I guess that is how you know it is truth and real and the one. Just seven....And wow, seven.... I feel like its been ages spent in love, and yet I still get giddy thinking about him. Happy Anniversary James, my love, my everything and my always.

T

You know who is shit, I mean should be on your shit list?

DR LAURA!!!! That's right. I listen to her show because I like to punish myself. She is such a bitch. If she doesn't like you in the least, she cuts you off. The last time I checked, any reputable DR has an oath to do no harm. But seeing as she is a fake DR and a bitch, I guess it doesn't apply. Can anyone put this winey little poodle to sleep?!?!? I guess not, but I wish she was on a stroll so many years ago with Yoco OH NO!!!, because then maybe the gunman would have hit that little woMAN!!!! Anyway she sucks and I hope she chokes on her own tongue.

Kisses......(But not to you Laura the Quack, you suck....Bitch.....)

Good Times

The rest of the year is full of Good Times, no really, let me explain...

Ok First!!! James and I celebrate our 7th anniversary, 7 wonderful years that have made my dreams as a young lad of what my life would be like when I got a little older, come true. Thank you for making my dreams come true my darling, I cant wait for the next 700 years......

James' birthday is on July 1, so if anyone is going to purchase a gift and you need ideas, please let me know...... Happy Early Birthday Honey!!!

Charmed season 2 is out in a month or 3, super YAY for magickal fun!!!

Deborah Gibson is my total favorite of any artist, and she is releasing at least one but I have heard rumors of 2 that's right 2 (don't faint Lesley) albums this year!!!!!! Can't you just DIE, I would DIE!!!!

Tonight and the Rest of My Life....One of my new FAVORITE CD's by Nina Gordon. I cannot even explain how good this former Veruca Salt band member is on her own. So happy news virgins, Nina Gordon is releasing a new album this year!!!! YAY

Lots of good movies are coming out and sooner than you can spit, the holiday season will be upon us. PS Happy Summer Solstice to Angel and Amanda and Leeann. Cant wait for Halloween and all of that.

Anyway, Have a good one kids.....

Kisses...

Retraction...

Timmy J Studios would like to make a retraction to an earlier story in which we assumed that Brennan Hawkins, the lost boyscout in Utah, was dead. Searchers in fact found him alive and well. Once again, the lost scout, is not dead. He was found and presumed stupid (as most young kids are).

Just and additional note....

In Ethiopia, a girl was kidnapped which is the custom there in some marriage rituals. The men beat her badly but were run off by 3 lions, who not only scared away the attackers, but surrounded the girl and kept her safe until the police found her. When the police did find her, they just walked off into the jungle as if leaving the girl as a gift. Is this an offering to human kind so that when the cats master their thumbs and take over, we are assured to live in peace and harmony, or are lions just picky about their choice of meat? Who knows, but its pretty cool.

More news.....

Today in what's news to me....

The first Solar sail envisioned by Carl Sagan is being launched from a Russian Sub. The technology is unproven and untested, and all theoretical. The idea is to use photons from the sun to propel a craft with a sail that is 5 microns, or 1\5th the thickness of a trash bag, at ever increasing speeds throughout the solar system. It will be visible from the ground in orbit as its systems are tested. We all know it works though since Captain Sisko sailed around in one with Jake in Star Trek. If we know anything its that Star Trek is never wrong, and since this isn't a NASA thing, the mission is sure to succeed.

In South Carolina, a 17 year old boy has been arrested and charged with the rape\molested of a 3 and 13 year old girl. Harsher charges have been added on due to his rape of a neibors dog, who later died from internal bleeding. Someone needs to put this kid to sleep, after a thorough prostate exam from Big Sammy the Prision broom czar.

Rick Perry did one smart thing this year, he signed a law protecting the right to spank and discipline your kids. In the same session, he cut the retirement benefits for teachers. Well 1 smart bill out of 300 isn't bad, what an asshat. Is there anything the man cant screw up? We at Timmy J Studios think not.

A Nun was crucified in an exorcism, and was killed. If only she had shaved her beard before hand, the priest might not have thought she was Jesus in drag. Holy sacrament bat man!!!

Finally a credit to Fark for this gem: Scientist are learning all kinds of new stuff about dinosaurs using the fake bones they planted(millions of years ago) to undermine the Lord.
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/8272638/site/newsweek/page/1/

Kisses.....

SonofaBITCH, bastardduche, dingdongdiddily ah HELL diddily ding dong crap!

Ok, so the office decided to cut us off from the outside world, and now the building is trying to kill us off one by one because we are an infestation. Plus I had done my sweet news brief and I lost it all after two hours of work. So I will just brief the story I likes the best and paraphrase all the rest.

By the way the recover post thing doesn't work at least not for me damn it.

A Blond Girl and little boy are missing, why are they the focus of the country? I don't get it, PS to the parents, your kids are dead, you can stop praying now.

Nancy Regan wants Bushy go pull that beer bottle and statue of Jesus out of his butt and get on the stem cell train, Bushy promised a veto to the bill because Dogs command him to do things.

Soaking in the British lime light, hee heee, Tom Cruise cant take a joke, yet he follows Scientology. Ironic No?

Extra Extra, Website allows you to post your own news stories!!! Yeah, its called a blog you asshat...

An Attorney claims his 18 year old client Dilan Moore killed 3 people due to Grand theft Auto, a video game. As we all know, Games and Guns don't kill people, I do. Hey Dilan, during your stay in the gang rape wing, try the finger sandwiches I hear they are to die for.

Walmart wants to drive Target out of business even though Target is 6 times smaller than Walmart. In a shocking admission that we all knew already, Walmart stated that it wants to take Targets Middle income business because Walmarts stuff is crap compared to Target. Target stated that they were not worried about it. I think that the Microsoft of retail, needs to back off before the law suits start flying. TARGET RULES!!!

.....and now for the final and best story.

The time has come nye, yes my prophesy is coming true, CATS WILL SOON RULE THE WORLD. But Tim, you said it would be dolphins, NO, I said it could be dolphins darlings, the dolphins are just the cats bitches, but the truth is I always knew the world was for the felines if they could only master the thumb. And LO it hath come to pass... Breeders report that they and mother nature have seen it fit to give cats thumbs. THAT'S RIGHT!!! In a natural genetic progression, an increasing number of cats are born as Polydactals, which means they have 6 fingers in front, not counting the dew claw, and 5 in back, as opposed to 5 in front and 4 in back. The polydactle numbers have been on the rise in what could be a natural evolution, and with a little help from breeders as well. Breeders report that some cats can use their extra thumb to pick up food or objects like we do. Will doorknob mastery be far behind? Soon across America, screams of terror will emanate from the bathroom. Is it moms tuna pudding surprise, NO virgins, No, its because the doorknob will slowly turn, the door will creek open and Mrs Kitty will hand you her bottle of hairball pills cause she hasn't quite mastered the childproof tab.....Yet..... PS, your cat wants some Jiffy Pop.

So that's the news to me, and Pedro if you are out there, stop by for some coffee, I will show you where it goes after you swallow it...

Kisses...

HEY

WHERE THE (BLEEP) ARE MY (BLEEP)ING COMMENTS

DAMN IT

Kisses....

I am leaving until the weekend...Damn it.

Ok, so I will be for the second time this year going to Arkansas for a visit. This time it's impersonal. I have to go to my Grandfathers (On dads side) funeral. Now before the calls start, its fine, I am not upset. I didn't really know him, and this may sound cold but that prevents it from effecting me too much if at all. I am sad for dad, and for Grandma but I don't feel any personal loss myself. I was already forced to go see him last time I was there, which sucked. People were all, Oh you will wish you had seen him before he goes, blah blah blah. Well geee, I am so glad the spitting cursing farmer image has been replaced with drooling veggie. Anyway, so the point is I am out of town until Fri or Sat. I don't know when. Should be a fun time, with the family and no James to hold, and smoking cut to a minimum. I don't mind smoking in front of my family, but I am not sure if dad knows, so I figure why upset him more. Mom knows so I am sure he does too, but who knows. Anyway, I am hoping for a safe trip and a speedy return, until later this year when Grandma(on moms side) decides to kick. I know I sound cold, but believe me I am as sentimental as anyone, if not more so, but unlike a lot of people I actually know who my family is. And I am going home to him after work today. Plus I love my friends more than bleeding steak. So I will see you guys later.

Kisses...

T

Butch And Poco - "It makes us want to fall Flat dead on our faces."

In B&P related news, it has now been divulged that one of the torture methods in the Gitmo(?) prison where terror suspects are held, is dripping water and play Christina Agulera music??? Now those of you familiar with the way the world according to B&P is, that is darn near close to heaven. If they would blast those terrorists with Britney then they would CRACK like they were porcelain dolls hit with the spankinator. I would say time for some filming in Cuba (that's where the prison is I think) but as many of you may or may not know, B&P are surely on the FBI's top 10 most wanted list. Right under Bushy, THAT'S RIGHT GB, WE ARE ALL ON TO YOU. Its like a pot calling a kettle black, but it's soooooo black that light cannot escape it. Besides he stole the Weapons of Mass destruction phrase from us and just handed it to the public to do with as they please!!!!! Oh My God, now I need pudding, okbye.......

P

In the news...

Hey Hey Kids, Here's what's news to me.....

Don't be gay in the Mediterranean. One man lost his license to drive because of it. Though he got it back in court, but don't cheer yet, the Sicilian court said that even though he had a personality disturbance (Thanks Mussolini) he should still be able to drive ok. He apparently lost his hair and is in shock due to the outrage, (he is only 23). Well Danilo, might as well go strait, the no baldys and no fatties rule is still in our rulebook as far as I know, then you can drive anywhere. Hey Italy, I don't think you need to be so uptight about gay people. Your country is shaped like a stiletto boot and you have a Wang of a tower that leans as a tourist trap. Shut your pie hole and keep pumping out those pizzas.

Here in Texas, the Teen Accused In the Day Care Crash will Remain In Juvenile Detention. Well that's not good enough, I think they should tie her to one of those barrels full of water, put her in the middle of a racetrack, and watch as each child in the accident gets a turn "trying" to miss her on the TX Motor Speedway.

Here is a headline from up north:
Mom Takes Stray Bullet In Mouth While Breast-Feeding a Baby
Well I guess that is the universes way of telling you to stop sucking on yourself. It's not right. Get up and go to the fridge like the rest of us.

New Jersey Drivers are among the worst according to a national study. I personally beg to differ.

GM is on a new Ad Campain to allow those in the public to get their Employee discount for the first time ever, in order to boost sales. General Motors will also be cutting 25,000 jobs. I guess we know now where all of the "Employee discounts for the public" are coming from.

Medical Mary Jane is now not legal anymore. People who used it are sad. It sure is a shame that the only way to get pot is with a prescription. . . . .Don't sweat it Medical Pot users. There are 100 losers to every 1 pharmacy in this country and maybe more. Your supply is safe, but no longer covered by your PPO.

Finally Dolphins who have learned to use sponges to protect their snouts while searching for food on the sea floor, have passed on the knowledge for generations and still do today, they often use tools in their every day lives. Can world domination be far behind? I for one welcome our Aquatic overlords. I am sure they will bring back AQUA since they sing in dolphin range anyway, and the shortage of tuna for our new Kings from the sea, wont be missed by me at all. P.S. Your cat wants a cork for Xmas...

It Gonna Rain

Well it already did, but anyway, here is stuff that is going on.

The Runaway Bride (Puke I know) was found guilty and ordered to pay over $13,000 in fines and ordered to continue her mental health treatment. From the look of her new haircut, she had some of her fellow loonies giver her a trim with saftey scissors. I don't know why she got the haircut but I hope it wasn't so people wouldn't recognize her, because unless she gets an eye transplant and a thyroidectomy, people will always remember those crazy eyes. Good Luck MR RUNAWAY...You will need it.

Landslides stun residents of California Mts. I cant really rip on them cause it really sucks, but the news has been in shock of these landslides. Which is about as stupid as someone saying "I never in a million years thought a tornado would hit my trailer here in TX". Duh, California = earthquakes and landslides, read the damn brochures before you move to a new state people.

The 49ers have a huge controversy due to a in-house video featuring topless women and Softcore L-wordish Porn. Why it is a shock that coaches and the like show this stuff to a football eam is beyond me. It is funny that someone got fired over it and then was all "Oh I didn't know it would offend or upset people. I thought everyone liked my sleazy brand of lockerroom fun. Dumbass...

Civil rights groups don't want the Minutemen coming to Texas in October. These groups along with clergy and others don't want people enforcing our border and keeping illegal aliens out of our state and country. I am not even touching this with a 50 foot pole. I will just say one thing, Minutemen... If you need directions Here is a link to find your way. www.maps.google.com

Neil Armstrong is mad cause he got a haircut and the barber sold his hair for $3000. He wants his hair back and for the guy to donate the profit to charity. The barber said he already spent the money and wont pay it back. If I were Neil, I would start an eBay account right away and get a piece of that moon man pie. That sounds bad huh, dirty readers.

Finally, Adult sites on the internet will be shuffled off to a .xxx address. Young college men all around the world cry foul as they will have to redo all of their bookmarked pages in their web browsers.

that's all for now. Kisses...