SonofaBITCH, bastardduche, dingdongdiddily ah HELL diddily ding dong crap!

Ok, so the office decided to cut us off from the outside world, and now the building is trying to kill us off one by one because we are an infestation. Plus I had done my sweet news brief and I lost it all after two hours of work. So I will just brief the story I likes the best and paraphrase all the rest.

By the way the recover post thing doesn't work at least not for me damn it.

A Blond Girl and little boy are missing, why are they the focus of the country? I don't get it, PS to the parents, your kids are dead, you can stop praying now.

Nancy Regan wants Bushy go pull that beer bottle and statue of Jesus out of his butt and get on the stem cell train, Bushy promised a veto to the bill because Dogs command him to do things.

Soaking in the British lime light, hee heee, Tom Cruise cant take a joke, yet he follows Scientology. Ironic No?

Extra Extra, Website allows you to post your own news stories!!! Yeah, its called a blog you asshat...

An Attorney claims his 18 year old client Dilan Moore killed 3 people due to Grand theft Auto, a video game. As we all know, Games and Guns don't kill people, I do. Hey Dilan, during your stay in the gang rape wing, try the finger sandwiches I hear they are to die for.

Walmart wants to drive Target out of business even though Target is 6 times smaller than Walmart. In a shocking admission that we all knew already, Walmart stated that it wants to take Targets Middle income business because Walmarts stuff is crap compared to Target. Target stated that they were not worried about it. I think that the Microsoft of retail, needs to back off before the law suits start flying. TARGET RULES!!!

.....and now for the final and best story.

The time has come nye, yes my prophesy is coming true, CATS WILL SOON RULE THE WORLD. But Tim, you said it would be dolphins, NO, I said it could be dolphins darlings, the dolphins are just the cats bitches, but the truth is I always knew the world was for the felines if they could only master the thumb. And LO it hath come to pass... Breeders report that they and mother nature have seen it fit to give cats thumbs. THAT'S RIGHT!!! In a natural genetic progression, an increasing number of cats are born as Polydactals, which means they have 6 fingers in front, not counting the dew claw, and 5 in back, as opposed to 5 in front and 4 in back. The polydactle numbers have been on the rise in what could be a natural evolution, and with a little help from breeders as well. Breeders report that some cats can use their extra thumb to pick up food or objects like we do. Will doorknob mastery be far behind? Soon across America, screams of terror will emanate from the bathroom. Is it moms tuna pudding surprise, NO virgins, No, its because the doorknob will slowly turn, the door will creek open and Mrs Kitty will hand you her bottle of hairball pills cause she hasn't quite mastered the childproof tab.....Yet..... PS, your cat wants some Jiffy Pop.

So that's the news to me, and Pedro if you are out there, stop by for some coffee, I will show you where it goes after you swallow it...

Kisses...